I can understand your situation, Burnham. I’ve had more than a few dreams of a limb/log getting on me since last February. Funny how the brain does that to you. Glad you’re doing better and hope you move completely past it soon!
Not good...
- Thread starter Burnham
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Burnham
Woods walker
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #228
Well, sort of out of the blue, last night I had a really clear straightforward fire dream. WTF...it was nasty. Maybe as bad as any back right after the fires and evacuation. Woke up sweating and heaving to get a breath.
Thankfully, Melanie slept through my distress. She does not need to revisit that trauma...I know I'm not the only one to have some emotional baggage from it.
Afterwards...tossed and turned for 4 hours, until it was almost close enough to get up time to reasonably do so, shower and shave, build up the woodstove fire, and make coffee. Rest of my day was good
.
I'm probably making too much of it...but I am not really looking forward to bedtime tonight.
Thankfully, Melanie slept through my distress. She does not need to revisit that trauma...I know I'm not the only one to have some emotional baggage from it.
Afterwards...tossed and turned for 4 hours, until it was almost close enough to get up time to reasonably do so, shower and shave, build up the woodstove fire, and make coffee. Rest of my day was good
.I'm probably making too much of it...but I am not really looking forward to bedtime tonight.
Sorry to hear this Burnham. Does your area/region have any assistance set up for helping in the aftermath of the fires?
I had to reach out to the assist group lately for emergency services, I was at my wits end dealing with a personnel issue...it helped to talk and get some perspective.
I had to reach out to the assist group lately for emergency services, I was at my wits end dealing with a personnel issue...it helped to talk and get some perspective.
That's too bad B, i know the anxiety/ can't sleep cycle and it's not fun. Dr's can prescribe part time drugs that you use when it gets bad, personally they put me on ativan as needed, which really helps out. So does smoking weed too, which i would rather do than pills, but they both work and I'll use as needed. Basically, if you wake with these dreams again, taking a pill or smoke a bit and you can go back to sleep, it really helps sometimes. Even now I'm on the up at 330, 530, and 730 for bathroom breaks, so i feel you on the insomnia thing.
flushcut
TreeHouser
Are there any underlying subconscious things that need to be done to fire harden your property? Cut backs or general fire mitigation?
You can always talk our eras off B. You know that.
You can always talk our eras off B. You know that.
SeanKroll
Treehouser
Some professional counseling might help.
We're always hear to listen, but we're tree peeps, not therapists.
Listening to a calm, not-global warming polar bears dying, David Attenborough nature documentary helps when I can't sleep. Ear buds, no screen.
We're always hear to listen, but we're tree peeps, not therapists.
Listening to a calm, not-global warming polar bears dying, David Attenborough nature documentary helps when I can't sleep. Ear buds, no screen.
Burnham
Woods walker
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #233
I slept fine last night. Yesterday's dreams was the first time in over a month. I think I over-reacted some, probably because I'd about convinced myself that it had run it's course . I'm not really having much trouble with it. Certainly it's not messing my life up enough to get too worried.
Thanks always for the ears and input, friends.
. I'm not really having much trouble with it. Certainly it's not messing my life up enough to get too worried.Thanks always for the ears and input, friends.
The last major life traumas I experienced profoundly affected me for a period of around a year each and the effects seemed to decay with time, though a dream or other when it occurred was a dramatic? word? experience when it occurred, but eventually the frequency of occurrence just went away as daily normalcy reinforced itself and the memory faded. So I guess I'm saying time heals. Best wishes to you.
Burnham
Woods walker
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #237
I need to apologize for what I now think was an unnecessarily abrupt, even rude post in the Cory's current thread pertaining to planet earth. Not really being willing to discuss the subject again. I'll try to do better. I did put something up there just a bit ago.
After some quiet thinking, I have to admit out loud what I suspect I already knew but have been pushing away hard as I can for months...that thing being my soul deep grief over the loss of basically my life's work, in this past September's Riverside Fire.
Most of the significant portion of the Mt. Hood NF that I worked reforestation on from the late 1970's until the early 20 teens is burned. The hundreds of harvest units, the thousands of acres that I sweated over, bled over, successfully reforested, was proud of, and deeply loved...are simply gone.
I have not found the steam to talk to anyone but my love and wife Melanie, and barely scratched the subject a tiny bit with her, about this. I'm on the edge of deleting this post now.
I'm not going to do that. It would be chickenshit.
Y'all are my peeps, my friends, I know that you have my back. Thanks for your grace.
After some quiet thinking, I have to admit out loud what I suspect I already knew but have been pushing away hard as I can for months...that thing being my soul deep grief over the loss of basically my life's work, in this past September's Riverside Fire.
Most of the significant portion of the Mt. Hood NF that I worked reforestation on from the late 1970's until the early 20 teens is burned. The hundreds of harvest units, the thousands of acres that I sweated over, bled over, successfully reforested, was proud of, and deeply loved...are simply gone.
I have not found the steam to talk to anyone but my love and wife Melanie, and barely scratched the subject a tiny bit with her, about this. I'm on the edge of deleting this post now.
I'm not going to do that. It would be chickenshit.
Y'all are my peeps, my friends, I know that you have my back. Thanks for your grace.
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Mrs.B
Treehouser
I am sorry, Burnham. I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you. I can only offer up one small experience I had that changed the way I felt about a particular fire. We have a "preserve" not far from us, Montgomery Woods. A magical place, that for years was a locals secret. Jer and I both have visited the old growth since the 70's on a regular basis. Jer has climbed many of the trees. It is a special place we love very much. Several years ago it burned. We were devastated. The day Calfire left the woods to smolder, we snuck in. It was no longer the grove we loved. It was black and dreary with trees missing and big holes in the ground. Many trees were still burning and the smell was not a charcoal smell but a smell of death. One couldn't help but cry. About 2 months later we went back. What we found was an enormous amount of regrowth, not only from the trees, but the entire ecosystem. One thing we have noticed after a forest fire is that the following spring brings a bumper crop of wildflowers. My point is, would you be up to visiting a section of your woods this spring, to experience the regrowth and the cycle of life? Seeing the regrowth in Montgomery Woods put my sadness into a perspective that I could manage. I am not suggesting that the pain I felt was anywhere near what you are feeling, I just know that seeing new growth gave me enough hope to process the loss. XOXO
vharrison
Island Girl
Ah B, my heart is with you. Mrs. B has a great idea, visit in the spring with hopes of seeing new life.
PCTREE
Treehouser
Chin up B. Everything is temporary my friend.
T Collins
Aloha Arborist
I know a little bit about what you wrote. Lava covered a portion of Hawaii that I recreated and worked in. The Kapoho Fish Ponds are where I taught my babies to swim. Pohoiki boat ramp is where I fished from and surfed around. It's all covered by lava. It felt like the grief of losing my father. It felt like a surreal dreamscape rendering me in disbelief.
If ever you wish to elaborate I would be a very grateful listener. This is tough stuff. God Bless
SeanKroll
Treehouser
I'm sorry for your great loss, Burnham.
gf beranek
Old Schooler
Kind of like, 'What's the meaning of it all, or what's it matter? After a life's work and dedication... poof! It's gone, or gets taken away in big chunks. The fires have been especially brutal these last few years. and now complicated with covid.
I kind of know how you feel, Burnam. Though in a slightly different way. I spent 18 years clearing cross country power-line right of way. Opening access to ,and between, every power-pole on the 1101 north circuit, and all its tap lines. 35 miles of 12 kv 3 phase distribution running between Ft. Bragg and Rockport. Over hill and dale through second-growth redwood forest most of the way. At the time power outages along the 1101, from winter storm damage, were usually back up and serving in the same day. A lot of times tree crews weren't even needed to get the wires back up. Oh, my crew worked real hard to make it like that for the company. Before I arrived power outages along the 1101 taps could last two weeks for some customers. The right of ways were full on slash and completely grown over. no access. Completely chocked, but I fixed it. Rightfully. Even got honors from the company for it. For what good that was.
I quite the company in 1987, 34 years ago. And just to save a little money they let the 1101 grow over, and now outages from storm damage last a week or longer. The line crews have to slash their way in to the poles now, and they need tree crews to help them get the wires back up. The problem is they slash through to get the lines back up, and leave it like that. The brush and trees grow back up through slash. Repeat for 30 to 40 years and it's back to how it used to be before I got there. Yeah, I fixed it alright. Go figure.
Every time I drive to Rockport today I see the same canyon crossings along the 1101, from the same vantage points I viewed them 45 years ago, and it just breaks my heart to see it now. I had a lot of pride in the 1101. Poof!
Makes me wonder sometimes... what's the 'F' is the meaning of it all? My pride was crushed. I should be stronger, I guess.
I kind of know how you feel, Burnam. Though in a slightly different way. I spent 18 years clearing cross country power-line right of way. Opening access to ,and between, every power-pole on the 1101 north circuit, and all its tap lines. 35 miles of 12 kv 3 phase distribution running between Ft. Bragg and Rockport. Over hill and dale through second-growth redwood forest most of the way. At the time power outages along the 1101, from winter storm damage, were usually back up and serving in the same day. A lot of times tree crews weren't even needed to get the wires back up. Oh, my crew worked real hard to make it like that for the company. Before I arrived power outages along the 1101 taps could last two weeks for some customers. The right of ways were full on slash and completely grown over. no access. Completely chocked, but I fixed it. Rightfully. Even got honors from the company for it. For what good that was.
I quite the company in 1987, 34 years ago. And just to save a little money they let the 1101 grow over, and now outages from storm damage last a week or longer. The line crews have to slash their way in to the poles now, and they need tree crews to help them get the wires back up. The problem is they slash through to get the lines back up, and leave it like that. The brush and trees grow back up through slash. Repeat for 30 to 40 years and it's back to how it used to be before I got there. Yeah, I fixed it alright. Go figure.
Every time I drive to Rockport today I see the same canyon crossings along the 1101, from the same vantage points I viewed them 45 years ago, and it just breaks my heart to see it now. I had a lot of pride in the 1101. Poof!
Makes me wonder sometimes... what's the 'F' is the meaning of it all? My pride was crushed. I should be stronger, I guess.
Burnham
Woods walker
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #250
As you say Jerry, it's heart breaking. Little wonder it took me so long to acknowledge it to myself.
I just feel sort of flat, washed out; at least some of the time. Covid restrictions on travel and social activities are not helpful, I think. Too much time to ponder my place in the universe. What used to be concrete evidence I could physically point to that I did something worthwhile with my life, is no more. That takes some wind out of an old man's sails.
I just feel sort of flat, washed out; at least some of the time. Covid restrictions on travel and social activities are not helpful, I think. Too much time to ponder my place in the universe. What used to be concrete evidence I could physically point to that I did something worthwhile with my life, is no more. That takes some wind out of an old man's sails.
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