The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

[Frans]

Cinderella-The Sequel




Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.



Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?

The fairy godmother replied,
"Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you.
Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said,
"Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"

The fairy godmother replied,
"It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
"I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."



At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
"You have one more wish; what shall it be?"



Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,
"I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat,
into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.



The fairy godmother said,
"Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments,


Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.





Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close,
blowing her golden hair
with his warm breath
as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry you neutered me now"

 

[Bodean]

Oh WoW, I really don't have many Jokes but Here's a funny Picture of my
friend last night at a Halloween Party.

 

[sotc]

hahahaha, ive seen uglier women but thats funny!

 

[TC3]

Me likey joke thread !
Tommy want wingy !!!

 

[SkwerI]

Talking with Jesus

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil." And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Senor, but I have to finish your lawn now."

 

[Rotax Robert]

Don't Laugh

"Don't laugh!" said the patient, Ed.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said.

"I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've

Never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Ed said, and proceeded to drop

His trousers, revealing the tiniest pecker the

Doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been

Bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started

Giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes

Later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain

His composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't

Know what came over me. On my honor as a

Doctor and a gentlemen, I promise it won't happen

Again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Ed replied

 

[sotc]

poor ed

 

[MasterBlaster]

I wish I'd thought of this.

 

[NeTree]

poor ed

Poor Ed's wife!

 

[Rotax Robert]

last flight

My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.

Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in Southern Tennessee because of bad weather. Thank God our kids were with me at the Beach House this weekend.

The NTSB issued a preliminary report, citing pilot error: She was flying a single engine aircraft in IFR (instrument flight rating) conditions while only having obtained a VFR (visual flight rating) rating.

The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board. No one on the ground was injured.

Photographs below were taken at the scene show the extent of damage to her aircraft.

She was very lucky.

 

[sotc]

 

[vharrison]

 

[Rotax Robert]

A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after a 20 hour shift.

Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her
purse and tries to write with it.

She looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat says:

"Well, that's great.... that's really great... some asshole's got my pen.

 

[Rotax Robert]

Tank Top

Tank Top

 

[Stumper]

Ewwwwww.

 

[JamesTX]

Ewwwwww.

What? It looks like she cut out the skidmarks.

 

[treetx]

Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a quiet conversation with Jesus. This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"

And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."

I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil." And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".

I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"

He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Senor, but I have to finish your lawn now."

LMAO -

What I never understood, if Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Mexican name?

 

[sotc]

God's Working......
>>
>> God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found
>> him, resting on the seventh day.
>>
>> He inquired, "Where have you been?"
>>
>> God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
>> "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
>>
>> Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
>>
>> "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call
>> it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."
>>
>> "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
>>
>> God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
>> northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while
>> southern Europe is going to be poor.
>>
>> Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a
>> continent of black people. Balance in all things."
>>
>> God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be
>> extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
>>
>> The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and
>> said, "What's that one?"
>>
>> "That's Washington State , the most glorious place on earth. There are
>> beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and
>> plains.
>>
>> The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest,
>> intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
>>
>> They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they
>> will be known throughout the world as diplomats, carriers of peace, and
>> producers of software."
>>
>> Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about
>> balance, God? You said there would be balance."
>>
>> God smiled, "There is another Washington . Wait till you see the idiots I
>> put there."

 

[Rotax Robert]

Two female privates are ordered to paint the generals office. They are warned not to get paint on thier uniforms, so they lock the door, strip off thier clothes and get to work.

An hour later there is a knock on the door. Who is it? they ask.

Blind man was the reply

Thinking nothing of it, the privates open the door.

Hi there says the man, where do you want the blinds?

 

[MasterBlaster]

Cat lovers will appreciate this!

 

[vharrison]

LMAO -

What I never understood, if Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Mexican name?

That is a funny one that I had not heard before. I have always wanted to tell the Mexican, that is not how you pronounce that name!

 

[Rotax Robert]

A day at the zoo

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.



S he was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.



He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.



As they walked through the ape exhibit,



They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.



Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.



He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.



He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.



The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.



He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her



Straps fall to show a little more skin.



She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.



"Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.



Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.



"Now. Tell HIM you have a headache."

 

[Rotax Robert]

Apple computer anouncement

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer

chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iTit will cost $499, $599, or $799 depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have

always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

 

[Frans]

O.Kaaaay Robert. Tonight you are digging deep in the archives, huh?

Sure like some of your jokes tho, keep 'em coming! Its all good.

 

[SkwerI]

I think if Robert ever told a fresh joke, nobody would know how to react!