N
newguy18
Guest
Not really a joke but still funny.
url=http://www.postwhore.biz/albums/userpics/10003/crazycat[1].jpg]
![normal_crazycat[1].jpg](http://www.postwhore.biz/albums/userpics/10003/normal_crazycat[1].jpg)
[/
url=http://www.postwhore.biz/albums/userpics/10003/crazycat[1].jpg]
The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
- Thread starter Thor's Hammer
- Start date
- Replies 13K
- Views 622K
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Van Halen reunion spoof.
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-yuVu0N0qGk"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-yuVu0N0qGk" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
<object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-yuVu0N0qGk"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-yuVu0N0qGk" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object>
F
Frans
Guest
Here is one for you, ekkka
http://crackle.com/c/Funny/japanese_secret/457193/#ml=fk=japanesesecret&fx=&o=7
http://crackle.com/c/Funny/japanese_secret/457193/#ml=fk=japanesesecret&fx=&o=7
N
newguy18
Guest
R
Rotax Robert
Guest
This is Great
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120154868323&ru=htt
Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles. In addition, she couldnt figure out why she could not make a shoulder turn anymore. Truth be told, her titts got so big and droopy that she had to use my Sun Mountain push cart to haul them when we played (the cart has since buckled from the overloaded weight capacity). Also, her gut and thighs got so big she could hide 4 full grown Chihuahuas under the fat folds. I put up with her shitt for about 2 years and during this time she got even heavier. Her fatass became so big that when she actually made a correct shoulder turn she farted. I'm not talking about a ladylike fart with a few giggles- were talking fog horn deep and the smell was so bad it would turn all your hair into ash. I think the hippo actually fermented napalm in her colon from all the ice cream, pizza and bad chinese food she inhaled on an hourly basis. Ultimately it got to the point where I just stopped playing with her because I began to feel like I was doing a "Make a Wish" deed for the obese, retarded lady. And every time I went out with my regular group on Sundays, she gave me that look like I was going to be in deep shitt when I got back. So eventually I said f*ck it and I wont play for a while. 2 months ago I was cleaning out the garage and my buddies came over after a round and we were shooting the shitt about the US Open when all of sudden the cyclops comes out from her cave and tells me that I should sell all my clubs since I dont play anymore. My friends all gave me that look (you know what I mean) and just left in complete disgust. I knew those f*ckers were laughing their asses off at me and I felt really bad. Whatever....... I just rolled with it but 3 weeks after that incident she decided she was going to sell some of my shitt at a garage sale with 10 of her fat friends from the neighborhood. You shoulda seen this. It was a spectacle. 10 fat, female pigs all wearing tennis visors and shorts that were straining to stay buttoned around their waists. They had more MM's, Oreos and Grape Soda then garage sale items. I went specifically to see what she took of mine thinking there may have been a few odd things that she grabbed when I suddenly I saw my beloved Mizuno MP33 blades being hauled off by a senior citizen. I stopped the geezer and told him it was a mistake but the f*cker told me to kiss his asss and that he had a receipt. I almost strangled the gimp but I had 5 fat hogs standing in front of me telling that a "sale was sale" and they barricaded me in with their 34 inch necks. Get this: THEY SOLD MY CLUBS FOR $89 AND THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT A GOOD DEAL. That was pretty much the last straw so that evening while the beast was asleep, I grabbed what I could and left her cave. This club was one of the items I snagged along with some of her golf shoes, shirts and her golf bag. If you are a man with size 18 feet and bunions her shoes might fit you. I'll put the rest of her items up for sale in the Deformed Product Section. Please note this club has a small chip in the paint and has some sole wear. The lard asss must have forgotten to put the headcover on during one of her on course gas tantrums. Has a steel shaft in stiff flex with a brand new Golf Pride Tour Velvet grip. Club has 16 degrees of loft. Thanks for looking and if you win this club, keep it as a reminder whenever you decide that you are ready for a serious relationship. Take a good look at this club and remember its history- its priceless and you'll thank me later.
Paypal verified member since 1998. $17.00 Shipping to Lower 48. All proceeds will be donated to the Jenny Craig Obese Fund, C/O of the Cyclops.
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=120154868323&ru=htt
Im selling this club because I finally left my fatass girlfriend who hated the fact that I loved to play golf. I bought this for her when hybrids first came out which was approximately 5 years ago or when she was 115 pounds lighter. She stopped playing golf soon after I introduced her to the game and decided she would rather eat cookies and tacos as a sport. When she decided to start playing again she realized that her hands were to swollen to grip the club properly from all the meat around her knuckles. In addition, she couldnt figure out why she could not make a shoulder turn anymore. Truth be told, her titts got so big and droopy that she had to use my Sun Mountain push cart to haul them when we played (the cart has since buckled from the overloaded weight capacity). Also, her gut and thighs got so big she could hide 4 full grown Chihuahuas under the fat folds. I put up with her shitt for about 2 years and during this time she got even heavier. Her fatass became so big that when she actually made a correct shoulder turn she farted. I'm not talking about a ladylike fart with a few giggles- were talking fog horn deep and the smell was so bad it would turn all your hair into ash. I think the hippo actually fermented napalm in her colon from all the ice cream, pizza and bad chinese food she inhaled on an hourly basis. Ultimately it got to the point where I just stopped playing with her because I began to feel like I was doing a "Make a Wish" deed for the obese, retarded lady. And every time I went out with my regular group on Sundays, she gave me that look like I was going to be in deep shitt when I got back. So eventually I said f*ck it and I wont play for a while. 2 months ago I was cleaning out the garage and my buddies came over after a round and we were shooting the shitt about the US Open when all of sudden the cyclops comes out from her cave and tells me that I should sell all my clubs since I dont play anymore. My friends all gave me that look (you know what I mean) and just left in complete disgust. I knew those f*ckers were laughing their asses off at me and I felt really bad. Whatever....... I just rolled with it but 3 weeks after that incident she decided she was going to sell some of my shitt at a garage sale with 10 of her fat friends from the neighborhood. You shoulda seen this. It was a spectacle. 10 fat, female pigs all wearing tennis visors and shorts that were straining to stay buttoned around their waists. They had more MM's, Oreos and Grape Soda then garage sale items. I went specifically to see what she took of mine thinking there may have been a few odd things that she grabbed when I suddenly I saw my beloved Mizuno MP33 blades being hauled off by a senior citizen. I stopped the geezer and told him it was a mistake but the f*cker told me to kiss his asss and that he had a receipt. I almost strangled the gimp but I had 5 fat hogs standing in front of me telling that a "sale was sale" and they barricaded me in with their 34 inch necks. Get this: THEY SOLD MY CLUBS FOR $89 AND THEY THOUGHT THEY GOT A GOOD DEAL. That was pretty much the last straw so that evening while the beast was asleep, I grabbed what I could and left her cave. This club was one of the items I snagged along with some of her golf shoes, shirts and her golf bag. If you are a man with size 18 feet and bunions her shoes might fit you. I'll put the rest of her items up for sale in the Deformed Product Section. Please note this club has a small chip in the paint and has some sole wear. The lard asss must have forgotten to put the headcover on during one of her on course gas tantrums. Has a steel shaft in stiff flex with a brand new Golf Pride Tour Velvet grip. Club has 16 degrees of loft. Thanks for looking and if you win this club, keep it as a reminder whenever you decide that you are ready for a serious relationship. Take a good look at this club and remember its history- its priceless and you'll thank me later.
Paypal verified member since 1998. $17.00 Shipping to Lower 48. All proceeds will be donated to the Jenny Craig Obese Fund, C/O of the Cyclops.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
No paragraphs break my eye ballz.
N
newguy18
Guest
Sorry to hear that happened to you Robert.
F
Frans
Guest
I lost it after the first few words, and I am an accomplished speed reader, really.
SkwerI
Treehouser
Well I thought it was funny! 
Thor's Hammer
Wolfish. Sometimes Bites.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #535
Made me laugh
F
Frans
Guest
I guess I saw an accident waiting/begging to happen. My job is to prevent such things, so it was too much for me to just sit and watch.
Funny? No, not to me. Folks getting hurt is not funny to me
Funny? No, not to me. Folks getting hurt is not funny to me
Thor's Hammer
Wolfish. Sometimes Bites.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #537
eh?
SkwerI
Treehouser
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
This is kinda dirty!
NickfromWI
King of Splices
MB, that was kinda cool! Karina really liked it...and I think it's NOT dirty!
love
nick
love
nick
F
Frans
Guest
I did not watch the video. But I did see a couple of guys working a saw in a very unsafe manner. I would have shut them down quick
F
Frans
Guest
SkwerI
Treehouser
While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and
purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you ---you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
Oh, Thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itsef."
purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you ---you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion." The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease."
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
Oh, Thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itsef."
N
newguy18
Guest
LMAO 
R
Rotax Robert
Guest
healthy
I like this one
I like this one
N
NeTree
Guest
C'mon, didn't you read the Surgeon General's warning on jackhammers?
A man from Texas buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced "A typical Texas baby boy weighing twenty pounds." Congratulations shower all around, and many exclamations of 'wow!' are heard. Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, 'Say, you're the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth, aren't you? How much does the baby weigh now?' The proud father answers, 'fifteen pounds.' The bartender is puzzled. 'Why? What happened? He already weighed twenty pounds at birth.' The Texas father takes a slow sip from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans over to the bartender and proudly announces, 'Had him circumcised.'
R
Rotax Robert
Guest
embarassing ?'s
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
thedesk.
The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor
in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
thedesk.
The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this
room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with
your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor
in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of
strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her
advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
Paul B
I dig hammocks.
HAHAHA!
