gf beranek
Old Schooler
Crack me up
The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
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MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
SouthSoundTree-
TreeHouser
- Joined
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weird matching 'stache and brows.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
Thats great Stephen!
Cows can be so inconsiderate and ungrateful sometimes.....
Cows can be so inconsiderate and ungrateful sometimes.....
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
And they don't document nothing!
It's like they don't know how to write!
It's like they don't know how to write!
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
I think they read the Almanac and pick the worst storm... Just cause
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
I have pulled lots of calves in blizzards before. Most are live births, a few obvious still born calves, like a hugely swollen head and tounge, or an abortion sometimes.
I worked my ass off on one that was born dead. Frostbite on my ears and bare hands of course. Cow was down and I could not get the calf out with chains and could not get her up so I had to get the come along from the barn. Got the calf out but it was dead. Not even an eyelid response. Out of frustration I brought my fist down on the calf's chest, apparently in the vicinity of the heart.
I guess it was a good old fashioned cardiac thump, and the damn calf started to breathe. Got them both to the barn. Had to tube the calf some colostrum. Hard work.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Lordy! Lucky calf!!!
SouthSoundTree-
TreeHouser
- Joined
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Wow
BlackSmith
Uncivil
Presently, I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles. Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog and me gardening and spending time in my pool. I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them. And it works. I already have 3 people following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
You don't sound like a fan.
BlackSmith
Uncivil
The more people I meet the more I like my dog.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
SouthSoundTree-
TreeHouser
- Joined
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- 4,941
Does the planker trust the other tiger, in the adjoining page as much?? Could be in for a surprise.
vharrison
Island Girl
BlackSmith
Uncivil
A rancher named Jim was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the rancher "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Jim looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the rancher and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Jim.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Jim says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Jim.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the rancher."You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the rancher "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"
Jim looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the rancher and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Jim.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Jim says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Jim.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the rancher."You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog.
SoonerFan
TreeHouser
Woof.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
Pretty good! Sums it up nicely!
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
Steve Mack
Life Member.
That should be in the True Facts thread.
Raj
TreeHouser
BlackSmith
Uncivil
That right there is funny...
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