The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
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CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
T Collins
Aloha Arborist
A rope slinks into a tavern and bellies up to the bar.
The bartender looks up in disgust and says, "Hey, can't you read? The sign outside says no ropes allowed, so beat it.
The rope leaves dejected, but ducks around the corner puts an overhand in himself, unravels his ends and promptly returns to the bar.
The bartender now flabbergasted belts out, "What is it with your kind, can't you take a hint, we don't serve ropes, don't you know how to listen, ain't you the same rope that was just in here a minute ago? "
The rope straightens a little and responds, "I'm afraid not, sir."
The bartender looks up in disgust and says, "Hey, can't you read? The sign outside says no ropes allowed, so beat it.
The rope leaves dejected, but ducks around the corner puts an overhand in himself, unravels his ends and promptly returns to the bar.
The bartender now flabbergasted belts out, "What is it with your kind, can't you take a hint, we don't serve ropes, don't you know how to listen, ain't you the same rope that was just in here a minute ago? "
The rope straightens a little and responds, "I'm afraid not, sir."
SkwerI
Treehouser
BOOOOOOO!!! 
Mick!
TreeHouser
Jonny
Treehouser
pantheraba
More biners!!!
With that being posted by a bona fide trooper I think there's got to be some underlying story.
Jonny
Treehouser
I’m happy to say no there’s not, I just thought it was funny. No small arms combat or patrols or anything like that for me. Sometimes random mortars and rockets akin to a Hail Mary pass from a blind and arthritic quarterback. Towards the end of deployment they weren’t even waking me up lol complacency is real.
Nutball
TreeHouser
T Collins
Aloha Arborist
This is a true story. So I took the bitchin' camaro out to get beer from the supermarket 5 blocks away. I live in a suburban town outside of $eattle 🤢. I get my beer and have to stand in one of those incredibly long socially distanced lines. I'm standing in the beginning of what I realize is a candy aisle and see to my disbelief that I'm surrounded by Halloween displays. First, I'm loud with a raspy voice, yet for the most part jovial. Kinda like your favorite sports reporter that you can tell has a drinking problem and smokes a pack a day(neither of these habits am I afflicted with).
I asked the half dozen people around me, "it's still August right? " I raise my eyebrows, point at the display and shrugged. I got a few nods but wasn't satisfied. Now this wasn't one big premeditated setup.
[Seattlites piss me off something fierce with their smugness that is thinly veneered as being quietly and politely reserved. They're a bunch of wet blankets and the "Seattle freeze" is real, your not going to make friends in this town.]
In my most gregarious tone I say, "I didn't think it was Halloween yet, but wait maybe it is Halloween, CUZ WE'RE ALL WEARIN' MASKS!"
Not one of them laughs!
Not one nod, shrug or chuckle, nothing.
Now if you wanna see an awkward silence. That line until I left was Seinfeld awkward. I was on the verge of setting my 6 pack on the floor and disappearing.
I asked the half dozen people around me, "it's still August right? " I raise my eyebrows, point at the display and shrugged. I got a few nods but wasn't satisfied. Now this wasn't one big premeditated setup.
[Seattlites piss me off something fierce with their smugness that is thinly veneered as being quietly and politely reserved. They're a bunch of wet blankets and the "Seattle freeze" is real, your not going to make friends in this town.]
In my most gregarious tone I say, "I didn't think it was Halloween yet, but wait maybe it is Halloween, CUZ WE'RE ALL WEARIN' MASKS!"
Not one of them laughs!
Not one nod, shrug or chuckle, nothing.
Now if you wanna see an awkward silence. That line until I left was Seinfeld awkward. I was on the verge of setting my 6 pack on the floor and disappearing.
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
Went in the store the other day and as i am cashing out, someone spout a hey stephen. Small town, but more people know me, than i them. Shake a lot of hands, hard to remember everyone. I turn, sort of recognize the eyes of the individual over the mask. I say, well hey, sorry i did not recognize ya right away with that disguise. Then i turned back to the line of cashiers. Well hay, you'll in disguises!, yall must be in cahoots and up to something. Unlike Seattle. They all had to laugh.
Burnham
Woods walker
What is this Halloween y'all speak of???
BlackSmith
Uncivil
BlackSmith
Uncivil
I’m not familiar with the movie.
Jonny
Treehouser
Django unchained, right? Great movie. But frigged up like everything from Tarantino.
I would like a fireball with that
Mick!
TreeHouser
I couldn’t watch Django Unchained to the end, it was too much.
T Collins
Aloha Arborist
Guys had a bad day sits down at a bar orders a double and while he's waiting he hears what he knows to be live piano music. He looks all around and sees sitting atop the bar at the far end a miniature piano with a wee man not more than a foot tall playing his heart out.
"Hey bartender what's up with your little piano player?" He asks.
"Fagetahboutit!" The bartender responds.
Three doubles later and our guy is bold and demands! "Bartender you gotta tell me about your little piano player! "
The bartender produces an oil lamp and says nothing. Our guy knows what to do, so he rubs the lamp and a genie appears.
"You get one wish and make it quick." Says the genie
Our guy all befuddled and drunk cries out, "I want a million bucks! "
"Your wish is granted, you'll find it at home?" Decries the genie.
Our guy bolts out the door to find his granted wish.
3 weeks go by before our guy comes storming back into the same bar. Yelling at the bartender, "I think there's something really wrong with your genie! "
The bartender just shrugged
"Hey I asked for a million bucks and I get home to what I can only presume was a million ducks and it took me 2 weeks to clean the mess." Our guy laments.
"Interesting. " responds the disinterested bartender
"Yeah there's something definitely wrong with him I'm sure he's deaf." Further laments our guy
The bartender tuns away and says, "Hey I heard enough, do you really you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist? "
"Hey bartender what's up with your little piano player?" He asks.
"Fagetahboutit!" The bartender responds.
Three doubles later and our guy is bold and demands! "Bartender you gotta tell me about your little piano player! "
The bartender produces an oil lamp and says nothing. Our guy knows what to do, so he rubs the lamp and a genie appears.
"You get one wish and make it quick." Says the genie
Our guy all befuddled and drunk cries out, "I want a million bucks! "
"Your wish is granted, you'll find it at home?" Decries the genie.
Our guy bolts out the door to find his granted wish.
3 weeks go by before our guy comes storming back into the same bar. Yelling at the bartender, "I think there's something really wrong with your genie! "
The bartender just shrugged
"Hey I asked for a million bucks and I get home to what I can only presume was a million ducks and it took me 2 weeks to clean the mess." Our guy laments.
"Interesting. " responds the disinterested bartender
"Yeah there's something definitely wrong with him I'm sure he's deaf." Further laments our guy
The bartender tuns away and says, "Hey I heard enough, do you really you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist? "
T Collins
Aloha Arborist
What kinda goose can't fly?
Portuguese
That is an old Hawaiian joke
Portuguese
That is an old Hawaiian joke
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