rskybiz
TreeHouser
Good run Butch!
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Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk
The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
- Thread starter Thor's Hammer
- Start date
- Replies 13K
- Views 618K
pantheraba
More biners!!!
Fine run! "Smoking cures ham"...
Lots of good ones.
Lots of good ones.
sotc
Dormant hero!!
Good stuff Maynard!
BlackSmith
Uncivil
Three Labrador retrievers -- one brown, one yellow and one black -- were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they struck up a conversation. The black lab turned to the brown and said, "So why the hell are you here"
The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna castrate me," came the reply from the brown lab. "All the vets are preforming it. It works for everything."
The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.
"Looks like castration for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.
The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you at the vet's office?"
"I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, castration for you too, huh?"
"No," said the black lab, "I'm here to get my nails clipped.”
The brown lab replied, "I'm a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the drapes, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed."
The black lab said, "So what is the vet going to do?"
"Gonna castrate me," came the reply from the brown lab. "All the vets are preforming it. It works for everything."
The black lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
The yellow lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner's couch."
"So what are they going to do to you?" the black lab inquired.
"Looks like castration for me too," the dejected yellow lab said.
The yellow lab then turned to the black lab and asked, "Why are you at the vet's office?"
"I'm a humper," the black lab said. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away."
The yellow and brown labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, castration for you too, huh?"
"No," said the black lab, "I'm here to get my nails clipped.”
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Hahahahahaaaa!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
BlackSmith
Uncivil
That was just about the best ever
Works like hell, too.
Video gets a bit boring after a couple of minutes, though.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/L5sE40CvsFY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Works like hell, too.
Video gets a bit boring after a couple of minutes, though.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/L5sE40CvsFY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
A Montana Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson, from Missoula, Montana. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my 'Johnson', so now, I'm, Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.....
"Fred," he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson, from Missoula, Montana. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.
"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.
"Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my 'Johnson', so now, I'm, Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.....
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Cool cop.
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
'
Attachments
Steve Mack
Life Member.
SouthSoundTree-
TreeHouser
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2014
- Messages
- 4,941
The right one, for once.
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
The last one about Hang Gliding is really funny.
The right one, maybe. Until that person turns around and ole mr. winky is looking at you! Never trust an ass in WalMart!
The right one, maybe. Until that person turns around and ole mr. winky is looking at you! Never trust an ass in WalMart!
Raj
TreeHouser
Oh, ok then. Tag on my little girl's jacket.
SouthSoundTree-
TreeHouser
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2014
- Messages
- 4,941
Its rare that I go into Walmart. Recently I've had the experience. Hydraulic oil one day, printer ink another day. new printer seems to come with an almost empty black ink cartridge or something. Back I went. Tranny, half "dressed up" in a pink outfit. I couldn't believe it. Definitely a dude. Surreal!!
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
Yep, thats the advice. A nice ass at walmart might be a dude. Nothing wrong with that.........some dudes have a nice ass.
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
SouthSoundTree-
TreeHouser
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2014
- Messages
- 4,941
A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have Jobs, love Kids, and are extremely Good Looking.'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor , where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have Jobs, love Kids, and are extremely Good Looking.'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor , where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
L
Levi
Guest
Hahahaha!!!
Limbrat
TreeHouser
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