The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
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Dave Shepard
Square peg, round world.
I know they are silly, but I love Chuck Norris jokes.
sotc
Dormant hero!!
Me too, loved that guy as a kid. That newish movie with Sly where he shows up at the end I thought was awesome!
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
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FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
Sweet Jesus, I have to send that to my father in law. Bald and has been raising sheep for the last forty years. I could switch the goat to a sheep I bet.
That was good Dave!
That was good Dave!
vl2007
Treehouser
A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Chucks house and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died.’
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead horse!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead.’
A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2250.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.’
Chuck grew up and works now for the government.
Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’
The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’
Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse.’
The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?
Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’
The farmer said, ‘You can’t raffle off a dead horse!’
Chuck said, ‘Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead.’
A month Later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead horse?’
Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2250.’
The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’
Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back.’
Chuck grew up and works now for the government.
Steve Mack
Life Member.
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his mother, he replied, Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front of men and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside and asked him, "Is that really true about your mother?"
No, the boy said, she works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed too say that in front of the other kids.
__________________
However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his mother, he replied, Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front of men and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Johnny aside and asked him, "Is that really true about your mother?"
No, the boy said, she works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed too say that in front of the other kids.
__________________
vl2007
Treehouser
Ha!!
Raj
TreeHouser
bstewert
TreeHouser
sotc
Dormant hero!!
Ouch
Jed
TreeHouser
Question: "Why do redneck murder cases pose such difficulties for the authorities?"
Answer: "There's no dental records, and all the DNA's the same."
Answer: "There's no dental records, and all the DNA's the same."
Raj
TreeHouser
There was a plane crash in Newfoundland, small 2 seater, crashed into a cemetery, so far the body count is 58 and they are still digging up victims.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Maroons!
Dave Shepard
Square peg, round world.
A friend of mine hired some Newfie stone masons for a job years ago. Man could those guys drink!
Dave Shepard
Square peg, round world.
Those guys would work 12 hour days, drink unknown quantities of bear every night, and repeat the next day, for six straight weeks. Then they went home to drink full time for the winter.
Raj
TreeHouser
I'm just north of 6 nations, drive right by it going to my girlfriend's place in Waterford! When you going there again?
Doubt I'll ever make it there again.
I had a good friend up there who passed several years (25-30) ago.
Shin was Chief of the Turtle clan. She was a wonderful lady, very intelligent and down to earth, and an excellent bluegrass Bass player and vocalist.
She came with a good sized contingent of Canadians every year and spent a good part of Summer doing a circuit of bluegrass festivals that was nearly the same as the circuit of Festivals my crowd traveled..Ah those were the days...So many great people I've had the honor to meet.
I remember we used to always get hassled at the border (van or motor home filled with instrument cases). Lots of questions about if we had gigs in Can or not.
I talked to Shin about it once and she responded"I just tell them Hey buddy, I'm a native North Amican and I don't have no borders, and I drive on my way"
I had a good friend up there who passed several years (25-30) ago.
Shin was Chief of the Turtle clan. She was a wonderful lady, very intelligent and down to earth, and an excellent bluegrass Bass player and vocalist.
She came with a good sized contingent of Canadians every year and spent a good part of Summer doing a circuit of bluegrass festivals that was nearly the same as the circuit of Festivals my crowd traveled..Ah those were the days...So many great people I've had the honor to meet.
I remember we used to always get hassled at the border (van or motor home filled with instrument cases). Lots of questions about if we had gigs in Can or not.
I talked to Shin about it once and she responded"I just tell them Hey buddy, I'm a native North Amican and I don't have no borders, and I drive on my way"
Raj
TreeHouser
A lot of NY state license plates on the reserve, just for that reason.
bstewert
TreeHouser
Altissimus
TreeHouser
..."Goodbye All" , "rediscovering Wife..." Sounds like a Viagra thing
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