The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

[vl2007]

I like political humor

Over 5000 years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, “Pick up yours shovels, mount your a-sses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land.”


Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovels, sit on your a-sses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land.”

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your a-sses, raised the price of Camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!
...
I was so depressed last night thinking about Obama's healthcare plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called a suicide hotline. I had to press 1 for English. I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck…

Folks--we are screwed!

 

[Maximalist]

How to distract of U.S. President from the state of affairs in a country? Just show basketball ball ...

 

[MasterBlaster]

Sipping a vodka there, Andrew? Ha, still coffee time here.

 

[Maximalist]

: D I love whiskey. Johnnie Walker "Black Label" ...I atypical Russian ...-

 

[MasterBlaster]

I drink the cheaper stuff - Windsor Canadian.

 

[Maximalist]

Butch, long as you need have a drink in order to achieve nirvana? (in grams)
I will tell you honestly - I already forgot when I drank the last time ... Russia is a very harsh laws - should be 0.00 ppm during exhalation the detector ... Otherwise the driving license revocation for 2 years...

 

[MasterBlaster]

So, you don't drink because of the law?

 

[Maximalist]

Because the I do not have time - I work all the time ... I drink very rarely, but very much ... Approximately 1 liter per evening ...

 

[MasterBlaster]

Damn, don't work yourself to death!!! Life's too short...

 

[Maximalist]

Yes, life is too short, and live it must be so as not to was ashamed of wasted years ... I not believe that "In vino veritas".

 

[stig]

After receiving numerous customer complaints,

a German plumbing firm bought their plumbers a new t-shirt,

designed to make their employees more attractive to the customers...

 

[MasterBlaster]

Ha!

 

[Maximalist]

 

[CurSedVoyce]

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/g9_-52cgOBc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

 

[Husabud]

I want to share a holiday tip for everyone!

At this time of year, when the Police set up roadblocks with great regularity, I would like to share a personal experience with drinking and driving.



As you well know, some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional Holidays social function. Last night, I was out for an evening having a few cocktails with some friends at our Christmas Party.



Knowing full well I may have been over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a cab home! Sure enough, I came to a police roadblock and since it was a cab, they just waved it right past.



I arrived home safely without incident, which was a REAL surprise as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my front yard!



Happy Holidays....Drive Safely!

 

[MasterBlaster]

And there ya go!

 

[stig]

 

[CurSedVoyce]

LMAO

 

[rskybiz]

That is a good one stig!

 

[MasterBlaster]

 

[rskybiz]

 

[MasterBlaster]

 

[CurSedVoyce]

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money . . . he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at A&M that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how
to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course." So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way
through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father
is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does". "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot him before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman.

 

[Husabud]

Hassan
and Habib are beggars who beg in different areas of
Toron. Habib


begs just as long as Hassan but only collects $2 or $3 a
day.

Hassan brings home suitcases FULL of $20
bills, drives a Mercedes and lives in a mortgage-free
house.

Habib
said to Hassan, 'I beg just as long and hard as you do and
I can't understand how you manage to bring home suitcases
full of money every day?'

Hassan
said, 'Look at your sign, what does it say?'


Habib's
sign read; 'I have
no work, a wife and 6 children to
support'.


Hassan
said, 'No wonder you get so little.'


Habib
asked... 'So what does your sign say?'


Hassan
showed Habib his sign....






It read:
'I only need another $20 to move back to
Pakistan!'


Sorry it isn't PC. Could be anybody.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Ha!