The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

After Nigeria was eliminated from the World Cup, the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.


ATT00001.jpe
 
The other day the girlfriend gets out of her bath and walk around the bedroom naked, playfully I take my camera phone and snap a picture of her behind. She demands that I delete the picture immediately, I comply, agitated the girlfriend questions if the picture is deleted yet, I reply, give it a minute, it's a big file to delete.
 
OTykdoX.jpg
 
Come on, people!
 

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They did if you just carried them off from a nail parlour you'd just pillaged.

I like those kind of nails. All the better for digging into my back.
 
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Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn't do something useful with my time.
Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said.
Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was "only thinking of me" she said, and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, "Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.

She immediately telephoned me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club."
"Oh man, I'm in trouble again; I really don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week."
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
 
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