gf beranek
Old Schooler
Good ones, Stephen.
The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
- Thread starter Thor's Hammer
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Mellow
BCMA
Mellow
BCMA
Mellow
BCMA
Still works better than a traffic light.
SeanKroll
Treehouser
There is a new one, locally.
The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”
“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
Mellow
BCMA
They started building one of these over a year ago at the intersection nearest my house and shop. Should be done in another year. Looks like a real clustf@ck to me but who knows. I'd like to say it can't get much worse than it is right now but the DOT might take that as a challenge.
BeerGeek
Tree Numbnutz
Hmmm, all they forgot to say was "It's for the children!"...
babylonbee.com
CDC Now Recommends Wearing A Seat Belt Even When You’re Outside The Car
ATLANTA, GA—The CDC has issued brand new recommendations regarding the wearing of seat belts. Health experts there are now recommending people wear a seat belt, even when outside the car.
babylonbee.com
Tommy_B
Clutching at saws...
That video is amazing! We have roundabouts all over the place. Google "Magic Roundabout in Hemel Hempstead" would love to see those cars tackle that one!
BeerGeek
Tree Numbnutz
Government planners, Kyle. Always working for the people...
Tommy_B
Clutching at saws...
Its not actually that bad to be honest. Its just lots of little roundabouts!
SeanKroll
Treehouser
I have to wonder if the roundabout video is fake.
The diamond worked fine. Follow the lane, as always.
The diamond worked fine. Follow the lane, as always.
ruel
TreeHouser
I LOVE myself a nice roundabout, screams "smart civil planner" to me! DDI seems borderline insane, but who knows
The DDI gets rid of sprawling cloverleafs. Looks like an elegant design for the right interchange. I don't think it could universally be dropped in everywhere. I'm a fan of roundabouts too, but it pisses me off when people don't know how to use them.
ruel
TreeHouser
Being confused by a roundabout is less understandable to me than this
I'm not confused by the normal ones, but i have no clue what that is. Not to mention pulling a trailer in that shit is annoying as hell. Add some little shits cutting you off in a little crap car and it drives me to full on road rage 
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
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