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The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

Fiddler

Treehouser
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
7,484
Location
Michigan
A TEXAS MINISTER SAID TO HIS CONGREGATION,
"SOMEONE IN THIS CONGREGATION HAS SPREAD A RUMOR THAT I BELONG TO THE KU KLUX KLAN. THIS IS A HORRIBLE LIE AND ONE WHICH A CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY CANNOT TOLERATE.

I AM EMBARRASSED AND DO NOT INTEND TO ACCEPT THIS. NOW, I WANT THE PARTY WHO SAID THIS TO STAND AND ASK FORGIVENESS FROM GOD AND THIS CHRISTIAN FAMILY."
NOBODY MOVED.

THE PREACHER CONTINUED, "DO YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO FACE ME AND ADMIT THIS IS A FALSEHOOD? REMEMBER, YOU WILL BE FORGIVEN AND IN YOUR HEART YOU WILL FEEL GLORY. NOW STAND AND CONFESS YOUR TRANSGRESSION."
AGAIN, EVERYONE WAS QUIET.

THEN, SLOWLY, A DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS BLONDE, WITH A BODY THAT COULD STOP A RUNAWAY TRAIN, ROSE FROM THE THIRD PEW. HER HEAD WAS BOWED AND HER VOICE QUIVERED AS SHE SPOKE,
"REVEREND, THERE HAS BEEN A TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING! I NEVER SAID YOU WERE A MEMBER OF THE KU KLUX KLAN.
I SIMPLY TOLD A COUPLE OF MY FRIENDS THAT YOU WERE A WIZARD UNDER THE SHEETS."
 

Fiddler

Treehouser
Joined
Jun 29, 2009
Messages
7,484
Location
Michigan
I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."
 

stig

Patron saint of bore-cutters
Joined
Aug 26, 2007
Messages
17,779
Location
Denmark
I tried to outrun a police car last week.
To my excuse I must say that it was undercover, so I didn't know.
I was trying to pass a van on the freeway and it kept speeding up and wouldn't let me.
So I went faster and faster and suddenly the hidden blue lights came on.
Bummer!
When the officer came up and asked for my license in that intimidating way they have, I politely asked him to keep his distance as I have Leukemia.

Man, that totally blew his game, he almost hopped back and when he came back with my license, he placed it on the door and put an alcohol wipe next to it so I could disinfect it. I thought that was a nice touch.

Then he told me that I was going way too fast, but he wasn't going to write me up for it and took off.

Guess leukemia is good for something after all.
 
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