The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
- Thread starter Thor's Hammer
- Start date
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Mick!
TreeHouser
woodslinger
TreeHouser
Raj
TreeHouser
Gonna take you higher!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
F'in A!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Seamus and Mick found jobs at a sawmill when they arrived in America.
One morning after wetting his whistle, Mick slipped and sliced his arm clean off. Seamus quickly placed Mick's arm in a plastic bag and rushed him to the hospital. The next day, Seamus was shocked to see Mick back on the job. "It healed up nice and quick!" beamed Mick.
A week later, Mick drank too much again and severed his leg. Seamus ran over, bagged the leg, and rushed Mick to the hospital. Unbelievably, Mick was back to work the next day, sawing timber and smiling.
Yet another week went by, and Mick got plastered while working the big saw. As expected, he had another accident and chopped his head off. In disbelief, Seamus put his head in a bag and ferried Mick to the hospital. The next morning, Seamus didn't see Mick at work, so he went back to the hospital. He asked the nurse how Mick was.
"He's dead," she relied sadly.
"Ah, the saw finally did him in," lamented Seamus.
"No," the nurse said. "Some plonker put his head in a plastic bag, and he suffocated."
One morning after wetting his whistle, Mick slipped and sliced his arm clean off. Seamus quickly placed Mick's arm in a plastic bag and rushed him to the hospital. The next day, Seamus was shocked to see Mick back on the job. "It healed up nice and quick!" beamed Mick.
A week later, Mick drank too much again and severed his leg. Seamus ran over, bagged the leg, and rushed Mick to the hospital. Unbelievably, Mick was back to work the next day, sawing timber and smiling.
Yet another week went by, and Mick got plastered while working the big saw. As expected, he had another accident and chopped his head off. In disbelief, Seamus put his head in a bag and ferried Mick to the hospital. The next morning, Seamus didn't see Mick at work, so he went back to the hospital. He asked the nurse how Mick was.
"He's dead," she relied sadly.
"Ah, the saw finally did him in," lamented Seamus.
"No," the nurse said. "Some plonker put his head in a plastic bag, and he suffocated."
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Limbrat
TreeHouser
Loved Ol' Waylon. The joke was funny too Butch
treebilly
Student of the Jedi. OH-7106A
To quote Jim " F'in A!"
BlackSmith
Uncivil
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to
turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a
half-burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car, and a
"Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, came up and stopped
next to me.
Suddenly they yelled "Praise Allah!", and took off before the light changed!
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection
and ran directly over their car, completely crushing it and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat there in my car thinking to myself, "Damn, That could've been me!"
Tomorrow, I start truck driver school...
turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting anti-American slogans, with a
half-burned American Flag duct taped on the trunk of their car, and a
"Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, came up and stopped
next to me.
Suddenly they yelled "Praise Allah!", and took off before the light changed!
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection
and ran directly over their car, completely crushing it and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat there in my car thinking to myself, "Damn, That could've been me!"
Tomorrow, I start truck driver school...
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
BlackSmith
Uncivil
FireFighterZero
Captain Zero!
Ha!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Hahaha! Sneaky bastids!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
SouthSoundTree-
TreeHouser
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2014
- Messages
- 4,941
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
A Russian and a Redneck wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold
medal. Before the final match, the Redneck wrestler's trainer came to him
and said Now,don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.
He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you
do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'
The redneck nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the Redneck and the Russian circled each other several
times,looking for an opening.
All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Redneck and
wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried
his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost.
He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly,there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from
the crowd and the trainer raise d his eyes just in time to watch the
Russian go flying up in the air.
His back hit the mat with a thud and the Redneck collapsed on top of
him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone,he asked 'How did you ever
get out of that hold ?
No one has ever done it before !'
The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me
in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this
pair of nuts right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so
with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit
those babies just as hard as I could.'
The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off ?'
'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your
own nuts' !
medal. Before the final match, the Redneck wrestler's trainer came to him
and said Now,don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.
He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. Whatever you
do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you're finished.'
The redneck nodded in acknowledgment.
As the match started, the Redneck and the Russian circled each other several
times,looking for an opening.
All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing the Redneck and
wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold.
A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the trainer buried
his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost.
He couldn't watch the inevitable happen.
Suddenly,there was a Long, High Pitched Scream, then a cheer from
the crowd and the trainer raise d his eyes just in time to watch the
Russian go flying up in the air.
His back hit the mat with a thud and the Redneck collapsed on top of
him, making the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded.
When he finally got his wrestler alone,he asked 'How did you ever
get out of that hold ?
No one has ever done it before !'
The wrestler answered 'Well, I was ready to give up when he got me
in that hold but at the last moment, I opened my eyes and saw this
pair of nuts right in front of my face. I had nothing to lose so
with my last ounce of strength, I stretched out my neck and bit
those babies just as hard as I could.'
The trainer exclaimed 'That's what finished him off ?'
'Not really. You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your
own nuts' !
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
a
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