Customers say the darnest things!

[Emilio]

ha ha yeah thats funny.

 

[pantheraba]

Where does the brush go?

I want a chipper with a small singularity in it and everything that is fed into it stays in it and never comes out. I could paint a line on the infeed and call it the event horizon and inform the ground guys that everything that passes that line is gone forever so watch your fingers. Containment fields might give me some trouble and there could be some liability issues

Hey, OM, can't let that one go by uncommented...great idea...call it the Black Worm. I'll buy one of those. "Watch your fingers"..hahaha

Emilio -- good line, "well, it's history now"!!!

 

[Marc]

Customer: "Can you do something about my tree, the leaves make such a mess"
Me:"Errr, so you want me to remove it, yes?"
Customer:"No can't you just remove all the leaves?"



Customer:"I'm a little concerned about my tree, when its really windy it moves around a lot!"
Me:"What at the base?"
Customer:"No, just the top"


A customer who was very fond of her Ash tree:
Customer:"My poor Ash tree is dying, can you see if you can save it"

I go to investigate and soon see the cause, someone has cut round the base of the tree with an axe, to remove some Ivy.

So I say "It looks like the cause of the die back is an interuption of the energy flow through the cambium at the base, I don't think this tree can be saved"
Customer:"Do you think it had anything to do with me using an axe to remove the ivy?"
Me:"Thats looks likely, yes"

 

[Thor's Hammer]

Where does the brush go?

I want a chipper with a small singularity in it and everything that is fed into it stays in it and never comes out. I could paint a line on the infeed and call it the event horizon and inform the ground guys that everything that passes that line is gone forever so watch your fingers. Containment fields might give me some trouble and there could be some liability issues if you happen to lose the singularity through the earth's crust but it would be cool to have a chipper with no chute.

I've thought of that too. I was thinking of having a wormhole that came out near the sun. That way all my brush would be disposed of neatly.

 

[Blinky]

Where does the brush go?

I want a chipper with a small singularity in it and everything that is fed into it stays in it and never comes out. [...]

It would be pretty heavy though, you'd need something big to haul it around like, i dunno, a galaxy maybe? :roll:

 

[sotc]

well youd have to dodge scales then

 

[okietreedude]

I had a good one this fall...lady calls in says her tree is dying as the leaves are turning brown and falling off. Uhh....lady...its fall.....all trees are doing this.

oh, and this old standard: 'do you do this for a living?' Yes is the standard answer w/ the addition in the head of 'what kind of stupid question is that?' i mean, would you call a plumber that only worked on the side?

 

[Stumper]

Okie, Try telling them "Oh no , I'm independently destitute, I just do this for spending money."

 

[Frans]

I've thought of that too. I was thinking of having a wormhole that came out near the sun. That way all my brush would be disposed of neatly.

Yea, but that would cause sun flairs and mess up my satellite reception!


Bid a job last summer, told the guy it would be 1200 dollars to remove the tree and haul everything away.
He said, "well I will tell you what, I will allow you to buy the firewood for 500 bucks.

I told him that is like trying to sell ice to an eskimo.

 

[squisher]

Ha I love it when customers start talking about the 'value' of their firewood. You bet it's worth a mint, I suggest you keep it and sell it yourself.

 

[mryb]

I have 2 properties against my back line. The one owner just had 24 acres/420 trees logged out. The lady (major treehugger. Cries when they are cut down.) that owns the other plot left the guy a list of days she was going to be home & asked the guy to tell the loggers not to come on them days. I seen a paper airplane in his yard. I think that was her answer....Rick

 

[Blinky]

Had Duke Power guy tell his customer they refused to go under a major (10") support root on a willow oak right over her house. She was prepared to pay for the upcharge. This is paraphrased...

Homeowner: What are you going to do when you have to go across the water and gas lines?
Duke Power Guy: We'll hand dig under them with shovels.
HO: Why won't you do that with this root?
DPG: "Because you're just worried about it." (that is a direct quote)

Case closed, he wouldn't discuss it any further. As my kids are fond of saying, that's not a reason, that's an excuse.

 

[Part Time]

Customer on the phone: "So, what do you charge to cut down a tree."

 

[okietreedude]

Customer on the phone: "So, what do you charge to cut down a tree."

OH yea, on the phone, in person, in a resturant.....all over town.

 

[sawinredneck]

Customer on the phone: "So, what do you charge to cut down a tree."

"If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it!"

 

[Paul B]

" lots"

would you like me to come and have a look to estimate more accurately?

 

[RIVERRAT]

" I chose to go with you because your clean cut & well spoken. The crew that was here earlier...... my god, 2 of them looked as if they had been digging worms the other looked like he'd been eating them "

 

[sotc]

Customer on the phone: "So, what do you charge to cut down a tree."

under 10000 bucks

 

[Stumper]

"Do you cut down trees for the firewood?"

 

[okietreedude]

We were working in Tulsa ok couple weeks back after an ice storm and had a guy hire us because 'we were white, spoke english and were wearing hard hats' (his words)

 

[Frans]

Customer on the phone: "So, what do you charge to cut down a tree."

Well it depends. Yes, but I just need to know how much it costs?

1000.00. But this tree is only 3 inches thick! (their words)

As I said, it depends. I have to come out and see it.

Oh, well thanks. I will call you if your bid is competitive and we decide to go with you.

 

[pete mctree]

I had just finnished a routine tree when I noticed that my groundie was nearly doubled up with laughter.The old dear we were working for had complimented me on my climbing and commented on my bravery on overcoming pollio!!!! She thought my spikes were callipers

 

[MasterBlaster]

Callipers? That's what ya'll Brits call braces? Go figure.

 

[OTGBOSTON]

as I am cutting down a row of dead trees on a busy street, "why are you cutting those trees?" my reply, "you're a college student aren't you"

 

[pantheraba]

as I am cutting down a row of dead trees on a busy street, "why are you cutting those trees?" my reply, "you're a college student aren't you"

Now THAT'S a good reply...quick thinking.