OTGBOSTON
punk in drublic
Irish as Paddys pig!
The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
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Irish as Paddys pig!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
This isn't a joke, but it outta be: it cracks me up - check it out.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
sotc
Dormant hero!!
Doctors vs. Gun Owners
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
so, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, we withheld the statistics on lawyers For fear the shock would cause People to panic and seek medical attention!
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
so, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
Out of concern for the public at large, we withheld the statistics on lawyers For fear the shock would cause People to panic and seek medical attention!
Burnham
Woods walker
Outstanding, Willie!
sotc
Dormant hero!!
It is a slow day in the small Colorado town of Pumphandle and streets
are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on
credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and
lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms
upstairs to pick one for the night.
As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs
next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt
to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his
supplier, the Co-op.
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the
local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to
offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel
owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the
traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down
the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the
$100 bill and leaves.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything...
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future
with a lot more optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a "stimulus package" works
are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on
credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and
lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms
upstairs to pick one for the night.
As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs
next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt
to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his
supplier, the Co-op.
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the
local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to
offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel
owner.
The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the
traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down
the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the
$100 bill and leaves.
No one produced anything.
No one earned anything...
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future
with a lot more optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a "stimulus package" works
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
Good one!
B
bill22
Guest
LMFAO.
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
HAHAHA This was someones best quote of 2006...
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.”
“You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.”
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
Little copy pasta from a customer...
Subject: Wabbits
A precious little girl, with two missing teeth, walks into Pet Smart and asks the owner,
"Excuthe me mithter, do you have any widdle wabbits?"
As his heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit,
Or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, crosses her arms,
Leans forward and says;
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
Subject: Wabbits
A precious little girl, with two missing teeth, walks into Pet Smart and asks the owner,
"Excuthe me mithter, do you have any widdle wabbits?"
As his heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit,
Or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, crosses her arms,
Leans forward and says;
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."
TheTreeWiseMen
Redneck Limey
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he pulled out his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"
He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."
The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me !"
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he pulled out his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear......do you understand ?!!"
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge, show him your BADGE........ ! !"
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
B
bill22
Guest
hahahaha
sotc
Dormant hero!!
This one cracked me up
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Oregon. If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Oregon. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dial...ed the wrong number, you live in Oregon. If you measure distance in hours, you live in Oregon. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Oregon. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Oregon. If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Oregon. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Oregon. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Oregon. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Oregon. If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Oregon. If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Oregon. If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Oregon. If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Oregon. If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Oregon. If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Oregon. If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Oregon. If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Oregon. If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Oregon. If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you live in Oregon. If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Oregon. If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Oregon. If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Oregon. If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Oregon. If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Oregon. If you actually understand these jokes you live or have lived in Oregon See More
If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Oregon. If you've worn shorts, sandals and a parka at the same time, you live in Oregon. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dial...ed the wrong number, you live in Oregon. If you measure distance in hours, you live in Oregon. If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Oregon. If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you live in Oregon. If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you live in Oregon. If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Central, Southern or Eastern Oregon. If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a 2 layers of clothes or under a raincoat, you live in Oregon. If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow and ice, you live in Oregon. If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction, you live in Oregon. If you feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash, you live in Oregon. If you know more than 10 ways to order coffee, you live in Oregon. If you know more people who own boats than air conditioners, you live in Oregon. If you stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "Walk" signal, you live in Oregon. If you consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain, you live in Oregon. If you can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best, and Dutch Bros, you live in Oregon. If you know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye salmon, you live in Oregon. If you know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup, Clatskanie, Issaquah, Oregon, Umpqua, Yakima and Willamette, you live in Oregon. If you consider swimming an indoor sport, you live in Oregon. If you know that Boring is a city and not just a feeling, you live in Oregon. If you can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food, you live in Oregon. If you never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho, you live in Oregon. If you have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain, you live in Oregon. If you think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists, you live in Oregon. If you buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time, you live in Oregon. If you actually understand these jokes you live or have lived in Oregon See More
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
I think I'll stay away from THERE!
tophopper
The resident asshole
Sounds like Oregon is ALOT like Minnesnowta
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
I can't imagine how ya'll live in all that cold.
tophopper
The resident asshole
not much choice
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Really? Lordy, I'd haul booty!!!
tophopper
The resident asshole
Yeah, just uproot my family and move. No problem.
SkwerI
Treehouser
My old man uprooted his family and moved to Florida 42 years ago. All my extended relatives are up in Connecticut and I'm thankful as hell that I'm not.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Hey John, if that's what you want, more power to ya.
tophopper
The resident asshole
Real easy to say after 42 years.
tophopper
The resident asshole
You become accustomed to it (the cold)........I actually love the state. If I were ever to become lotto rich, Id have more homes in MN and spend more time here than I would anywhere else. As a matter of fact, Id spend most of the winter here.
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