The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
- Thread starter Thor's Hammer
- Start date
- Replies 12K
- Views 514K
SoonerFan
TreeHouser
Scary thing is, the chart worked. I asked my wife the questions and it led right to her.
Tree Reb
TreeHouser
Take it easy on that stuff Stig.
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<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wtq3iYH-FZI?fs=1&hl=en_GB"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wtq3iYH-FZI?fs=1&hl=en_GB" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>
SkwerI
Treehouser
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
sotc
Dormant hero!!
I dont get it
SkwerI
Treehouser
Willie, have you ever heard the term 'fisting'?
sotc
Dormant hero!!
Yeah, so its a sex toy? Now I really don't get it!
SkwerI
Treehouser
Dad found it in his son's room and thinks it's a paperweight.
sotc
Dormant hero!!
I get it now but I still don't if that makes sense, yuk!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Willie is such an innocent! It's those rosy red cheeks of his! 
Next, he'll be asking about tossing a salad!
Next, he'll be asking about tossing a salad!
rfwoodvt
TreeHouser
Apparently Willey DOESN'T get it and that is probably a good thing!
On the other hand what makes this really funny is that my son just moved out and we're about to clean his old room...I wonder what we might find?
On the other hand what makes this really funny is that my son just moved out and we're about to clean his old room...I wonder what we might find?
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Hopefully, not THAT!
rfwoodvt
TreeHouser
I'm hoping to find cash, stash and other stuff, but yeah, not THAT!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
I'd like it as a Power to the People statue, but I know no one would believe I was appreciating it that way, lol.
rfwoodvt
TreeHouser
Fight the Power! Hopefully the Power in that thing doesn't come from batteries!
N
NeTree
Guest
TSA Before Christmas
(With apologies to Clement C. Moore)
Twas the night before Christmas, ‘tween New York and O’Hare
Not a creature was stirring, asleep in the air.
The luggage was checked at a Franklin per bag,
I thought we’d bring less, but “No!” (Nag, nag, nag!)
The children were nestled all snug in their seats,
We’d made it on time, through the snow-covered streets.
Again with her Coach bag, momma boarded that night,
I’d settled my mind for that long winter flight.
It’s come to all this, don’t know what could be sadder,
I’ll tell you what happened, just what was the matter.
Right to the problem, I’ll tell in a flash,
A Franciscan Nun being handled so rash!
The goon touched the parts of the crest-fallen Sister,
She just does God’s will on earth, right down here, mister!
When, what to my angering eyes should appear,
But Supervisor Goon, and eight agents here!
“When I was your age, son, these lines moved quite quickly,
But now “for our safety”, that Nun sure looked sickly.”
More slowly than turtles, the agents they came,
And I shook my ol’ head… this $#!+’s just insane!
No liquids, no toothpaste, no shoes, you can’t don ‘em!
And certainly no t-shirts with cartoon guns on ‘em!
Your hands up on top! With your back to the wall!
No modesty left now, they must see it all!
The things you must show before you can fly,
Do not be an obstacle to mount to the sky!
So up on House panels, the appointed ones sit,
To explain how Amendments will no longer fit!
So there, in a twinkling, the 4th one went POOF
Because you can’t fly, if you don’t give them proof…
That you’re not a threat, and you’re going to give in,
T’was my turn next, if I’d just let him in.
I was dressed and prepared, from my head to my foot,
To be scanned, grabbed and probed and to show them my loot.
A laptop, an iPhone, a pair of brown slacks,
He looked like a beggar, just opening my packs.
His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how scary!
His cheeks were like roses (prolly from all that sherry).
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer,
Knowing I’d go nowhere, till I pleased him here.
The stump of a brain kept him focused on me,
And he looked up and asked, “Where you going to be?”
T’was not his concern, and such is my lot,
And I said as a man, “That’s your business…NOT!”
He was flabby and plump, a right nasty old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A dart of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread.
He spoke not a word, but stood up, oh quite near,
And said something loudly, so ev’ryone could hear.
Then laying his finger aside of his snout,
He turned to the back and yelled, “Got an Opt Out!”
He sprang to his spot, to his team gave a whistle,
And oh boy they came like the point of a missile.
But they heard me exclaim, and who would have thunk?
"Happy Christmas to all, and do not touch my junk!"
(With apologies to Clement C. Moore)
Twas the night before Christmas, ‘tween New York and O’Hare
Not a creature was stirring, asleep in the air.
The luggage was checked at a Franklin per bag,
I thought we’d bring less, but “No!” (Nag, nag, nag!)
The children were nestled all snug in their seats,
We’d made it on time, through the snow-covered streets.
Again with her Coach bag, momma boarded that night,
I’d settled my mind for that long winter flight.
It’s come to all this, don’t know what could be sadder,
I’ll tell you what happened, just what was the matter.
Right to the problem, I’ll tell in a flash,
A Franciscan Nun being handled so rash!
The goon touched the parts of the crest-fallen Sister,
She just does God’s will on earth, right down here, mister!
When, what to my angering eyes should appear,
But Supervisor Goon, and eight agents here!
“When I was your age, son, these lines moved quite quickly,
But now “for our safety”, that Nun sure looked sickly.”
More slowly than turtles, the agents they came,
And I shook my ol’ head… this $#!+’s just insane!
No liquids, no toothpaste, no shoes, you can’t don ‘em!
And certainly no t-shirts with cartoon guns on ‘em!
Your hands up on top! With your back to the wall!
No modesty left now, they must see it all!
The things you must show before you can fly,
Do not be an obstacle to mount to the sky!
So up on House panels, the appointed ones sit,
To explain how Amendments will no longer fit!
So there, in a twinkling, the 4th one went POOF
Because you can’t fly, if you don’t give them proof…
That you’re not a threat, and you’re going to give in,
T’was my turn next, if I’d just let him in.
I was dressed and prepared, from my head to my foot,
To be scanned, grabbed and probed and to show them my loot.
A laptop, an iPhone, a pair of brown slacks,
He looked like a beggar, just opening my packs.
His eyes-how they twinkled! His dimples how scary!
His cheeks were like roses (prolly from all that sherry).
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a sneer,
Knowing I’d go nowhere, till I pleased him here.
The stump of a brain kept him focused on me,
And he looked up and asked, “Where you going to be?”
T’was not his concern, and such is my lot,
And I said as a man, “That’s your business…NOT!”
He was flabby and plump, a right nasty old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A dart of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had something to dread.
He spoke not a word, but stood up, oh quite near,
And said something loudly, so ev’ryone could hear.
Then laying his finger aside of his snout,
He turned to the back and yelled, “Got an Opt Out!”
He sprang to his spot, to his team gave a whistle,
And oh boy they came like the point of a missile.
But they heard me exclaim, and who would have thunk?
"Happy Christmas to all, and do not touch my junk!"
SkwerI
Treehouser
Absolutely Epic 1974 Letter From Cleveland Browns to a Fan
This isn't a joke but a true story.
In November of 1974, a Browns fan and season ticket holder sent a letter to the team regarding a concern of his.
The Cleveland Browns (specifically, their general counsel) sent back an absolutely epic response.
Here are their two letters
And here's the Browns response:
This isn't a joke but a true story.
In November of 1974, a Browns fan and season ticket holder sent a letter to the team regarding a concern of his.
The Cleveland Browns (specifically, their general counsel) sent back an absolutely epic response.
Here are their two letters
And here's the Browns response:
Dave Shepard
Square peg, round world.
B
Blinky
Guest
Thing is, he probably has ultimately gotten his way since blue collar (and consequently paper airplane throwing) sub-class types can't afford tickets to pro sports games anymore anyway. I'm sure he's safe in his skybox by now.
SkwerI
Treehouser
Craigslist Ad
Here is a response from the ad:
Here is a response from the ad:
N
NeTree
Guest
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
Fawkin beautiful!
SkwerI
Treehouser
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern
University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant
standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe
approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large
piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his
hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its
face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually
the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the
ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted
loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this
was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way
into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe s legs
and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant!
University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant
standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe
approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large
piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his
hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its
face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually
the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his
teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and
walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the
ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted
loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn't help wondering if this
was the same elephant.
Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way
into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe s legs
and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant!
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