My I think the best way to change this trend is to role model it. If I go to a gathering I don't use my phone...except maybe to share or take pictures. When I'm with my kids shopping and such, we open doors for people, take carts from folks who finished with them, address the cashier by the name on their tag......simple shit.
We have and elderly lady near our grocery store who's always walking in all kinds of weather. We see at the store talking to the manager sometimes....it's obvious she has dementia. Most folks just Cruz on by...as we did for a long time.
Until one afternoon this summer. We saw her walking in 97 degree heat, I turned around with my kids to offer her a ride. I'm sure she was nervous when she saw this STI with really dark tinted windows pull up beside her. I rolled the Windows down so she could see me and kids. She accepted the ride. Once she was in the vehicle I realized there was a problem. The smell of old urine was overwhelming. My kids noticed right away, but kept their act together. We drive her where she wanted...McDonald's.
My kids had lots of questions after. The main one was..." Who helps her.". Of course I had no idea. Since classes song start for me till August 15..... I decided to investigate a little. The VA ER I volunteer at is located across from the area the lady usually walks. During a shift there I asked one of the nurse if she knew who the lady was. She had seen her as a patient years ago at the main hospital in town. I will call the lady "Betsy " to maintain privacy. She was seen for smoke inhalation for nearly burning her house down during the winter by using a hot plate under the bed. Holy shit a hot plate!
The nurse gave me an idea where Betsy lived. Kinda went into stalker mode that afternoon. Back to the grocery to have brief conversation with manager....gained more insight into address. I found her house. Confirmed by her cane outside. No door knob.....which was wierd. I figured I would knock her door to see if she needed anything.....hot as hell, and I didn't see AC. She did not comes to the door. The smell of urine was off the chart.
Back at the VA I told the nurse I knew where Betsy lived and briefed her on conditions. I started to google around her first and last name. No living relatives, no children. Never married. Google tells to much IMO but in this case it was helpful.
The times I've seen her at the store it was a minor amount of groceries with cat food. I called meals on wheels to see if Betsy was on their radar. She had been but volunteers stopped going because she was never home or did not come to door. Service coordinator shared that Betsy did not cook which explains frequent trips to McDonald's......more the free coffee.
Then the hard decision. Do I call adult protective services....maybe risking her losing her freedom? A few days later I saw her walking again. My kids were at camp this time. We had planned for Betsy rides by having extra towels " in case". I stopped, she got in. This time she asked to drive to and unrelated house. She explained that Thomas wolf had built it and just wanted to see the flowers. I gained more info..she was 86. Worked as a nurse for the polio hospital of its time here in Asheville which is now care partners. We were briefly there.....then off to McDonald's. God this lady needs better food!
Her condition was the same. Unbathed. She was alert to what day it was, and knew her surroundings. I called protective services that afternoon. Made the report. The could not share info but my sense was they knew Betsy . The no door knob made them take interest. They asked if I wanted a follow up letter describing their action...I said yes but have not seen one. A felt some guilt after that call.
For more than two weeks.....no Betsy sightings. Damn I felt guilty...
On a trip to the store with kids....there she was. McDonald's of course. But this time much cleaner...looked like her hair was done. Stopped and offered ride. She declined because she just got their and was gonna stay awhile....probably for AC with the food. Drove by the house....new door knob. I doubt she put two and two together that is was me. I hope she is on which ever social workers radar for good now.
The experience for my kids and I was profound. They realize how "alone" Betsy is. Also how God damn determined she is! So long story short......respect is taught not inherited. I don't advocate slapping disrespectful youth. But I do advocate speaking up to them. The power of guilt on their soul might clue them in.....some maybe not. My kids are on the "Betsy " lookout now.......and not just this Betsy so to speak
Last funny part...on one ride Betsy asked if in knew anything about cell phones. I laughed and said yes. Old school flip phone. It wasn't charged and I doubt she paid the bill. But along the way someone told her she should have it to be safe I'm sure. She then said....I don't know why I carry it...I don't need it. Spoken like a true soul who has navigated her life without technology and continues to forge on without it. Besides....i doubt she would have time to dial 911 when her ticker gives out on the way to McSick.
McDonald's will probably end her days..