God Jul!
I think I figured out why Santa doesn't come to my house. It's those asshole cats. They run around at night, and act like assholes. Since they aren't asleep, he skips my house :^(
I know what you might be thinking "Ya, know, maybe he didn't come cause *you're* the asshole". I briefly considered that silly notion, but if that were the case, I'd still get some coal. There's nothing! Maybe some new lumps in the kitty box. Hmm... I wonder...