MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Hahahahahahaaa
The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
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MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
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timbertramp
TreeHouser
That's hilarious, the guy with the sign about ninjas. That dude is right next to the sears store about 10 minutes from my house.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
I love the Three Dog Night inference one...
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
sotc
Dormant hero!!
I like it
wcmccon
TreeHouser
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss. "The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss. "The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
wcmccon
TreeHouser
Ron Chestna, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2:00 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Oh, really? And who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer asked, "Oh, really? And who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Damn straight!!
BlackSmith
Uncivil
nailed it...
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
1.) Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2.) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."
3.) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4.) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5.) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6.) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7.) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8.) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
9.) Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
10.) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
11.) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't sir, I've cut off your arms!"
12.) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
13.) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"
14.) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
15.) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
16.) A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
17.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
2.) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."
3.) Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4.) A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5.) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6.) Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7.) "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."
8.) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
9.) Déjà Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
10.) I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
11.) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't sir, I've cut off your arms!"
12.) I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
13.) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"
14.) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.
15.) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
16.) A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain, and they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
17.) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
18.) There was once a man who sent ten puns to the Pun Master, with the hope that they would satisfy him. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Steve Mack
Life Member.
Four friends are touring Europe. One English, one French, one Spanish, and the last is from Germany. The four friends are in Paris, and see a large crowd gathering around a street performer. They all crane their necks to see the street performer, but can't seem to get a view. The performer notices the men, and stands on a box. He yells out "Can you gents in the back see me alright?" The friends respond... Yes, Oui, Si, Ja.
NickfromWI
King of Splices
Did you hear about the gold digger that broke his axe?
It was a miner inconvenience
love
nick
It was a miner inconvenience
love
nick
NickfromWI
King of Splices
Did you hear they got the electric eel out of the public swimming pool?
Now you can swim there free of charge!
love
nick
Now you can swim there free of charge!
love
nick
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Bah dum TISH!
Steve Mack
Life Member.
Why do the French eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Because they don’t like fast food.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
BlackSmith
Uncivil
lol...
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
.
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r0ck1r0ck2
TreeHouser
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/EYVnraY8ZDs" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
Psychiatrist vs. Bartender
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.
“Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night.
So I went to a shrink and told him: “I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I'll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?” He asked.
“Well, Eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00. A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck.”
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now.”
It's always better to get a second opinion
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