The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
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MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
HAHAHAHAHA!
NewGuyMA
TreeHouser
Bees and Golf
Bees & Golf
A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro Graham saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early?
What's wrong?'
'I was stung by a bee', she said.
'Where?', he asked.
'Between the first and second hole', she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your feet were too far apart.'
Bees & Golf
A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.
Her golf pro Graham saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, 'Why are you back in so early?
What's wrong?'
'I was stung by a bee', she said.
'Where?', he asked.
'Between the first and second hole', she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said, 'Then your feet were too far apart.'
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
A truck full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster!
bstewert
TreeHouser
vl2007
Treehouser
bstewert
TreeHouser
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
bstewert
TreeHouser
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet.
We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north,
that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to
ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet.
We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous
support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north,
that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to
ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Take out the subversive lighthouse!!! 
vl2007
Treehouser
Some of these are funny...
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/bqbcYbq13Ow" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/bqbcYbq13Ow" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
vl2007
Treehouser
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the
pouring rain, is asking for a push.
" Not a chance , " says the husband, " it is 3:00 in the morning! "
He slams the door and returns to bed.
" Who was that? " asked his wife.
" Just some drunk guy asking for a push, " he answers.
" Did you help him? " she asks.
" No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there! "
" Well, you have a short memory, " says his wife. " Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, " Hello, are you still there? "
" Yes, " comes back the answer.
" Do you still need a push? " calls out the husband.
" Yes, please! " comes the reply from the dark.
" Where are you? " asks the husband.
" Over here on the swing set, " replies the drunk.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the
pouring rain, is asking for a push.
" Not a chance , " says the husband, " it is 3:00 in the morning! "
He slams the door and returns to bed.
" Who was that? " asked his wife.
" Just some drunk guy asking for a push, " he answers.
" Did you help him? " she asks.
" No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there! "
" Well, you have a short memory, " says his wife. " Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, " Hello, are you still there? "
" Yes, " comes back the answer.
" Do you still need a push? " calls out the husband.
" Yes, please! " comes the reply from the dark.
" Where are you? " asks the husband.
" Over here on the swing set, " replies the drunk.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
vl2007
Treehouser
The older sibling doesn't look too happy.
woodworkingboy
TreeHouser
No wonder why, look at her brother.
CurSedVoyce
California Hillbilly
<iframe width="420" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/_43f9RzAqMM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Hahahahaaa!!!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
bstewert
TreeHouser
wcmccon
TreeHouser
A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"
Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"
"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."
A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.
"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
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