The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

What men really think...


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I have resolved to stop looking at links without any description. My gain, your loss. :)
 
I think the track record stands....

Butch HAS to warn us with HIS links.

Mine are kid/work safe unless stated otherwise. ;)
 
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk
A carton of eggs
A quart of orange juice
A head of lettuce
A 2 lb. can of coffee
A 1 lb. package of bacon

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk
standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, ''You must be single.''

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the
derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six
items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: ''Well, you know what,
you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?''






The drunk replied, ''Cause you're ugly.''
 
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! .... God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'

Poof! ... God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'

Poof! ... He was turned in to a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.



'If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!'
 
I don't know which one I like best! :lol:

I guess ip_anywhere would be it.



NeTree said:
All of these are legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time to consider how their online name might appear!



These are not made up. Check them out yourself!



1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is: http://www.whorepresents.com < http://www.whorepresents.com >





2. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:

http://www.expertsexchange.com < http://www.expertsexchange.com >





3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than

' Pen Island'. It can be found at:

http://www.penisland.net < http://www.penisland.net >



4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at: http://www.therapistfinder.com < http://www.therapistfinder.com >




5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:

http://www.powergenitalia.com < http://www.powergenitaliacom >





6.'IP computer' software, there's always: http://www.ip_anywhere.com < http://www.ip_anywhere.com >






7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site:

http://www.speedofart.com < http://www.speedofart.com >
Click to expand...
 
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening
with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another
ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000,' the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by
check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now
and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the
ring up Monday afternoon.'

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man.
'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'but let me take you to lunch so I can tell you about
my weekend!'

Not All Seniors Are Senile!!!
 
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was
sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the
front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the
back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away
from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly
gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profo und, horrifying AGONY for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.

' Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'
 
5ocks8.gif
 
Butch, where do you find this stuff?

:thumbup:

My wife asked me why I was laughing, I said never mind
 
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