Ever felt "Back-stabbed" ?? ... I sure did this month

[Mick!]

How sad, that you should be estranged for so long.

 

[stig]

Why?
He is a sociopath, that we happen to share some genes doesn't matter to me.

 

[MasterBlaster]

My brother was nuts, but I miss him.

 

[Mick!]

I'm reading a book ATM, A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian, involving siblings feuding.

 

[Fiddler]

My brother was nuts, but I miss him.

Same here...

 

[stig]

I don't.

 

[woodslinger]

I've been forced to watch a family mess unfold on my mom's side due to no planning and ignorance. Having a sociopath involved is a common link. I was even asked to put the uncle at the heart of the issue on our home purchase as a referring realtor so they would get some money. The whole thing was absolutely rediculous, and still is. There is nothing left to be inherited, and the uncle has a huge, brand new house, and is still crying "poor me."

My wife and I immediately made a pact that we will have our shit together so there is no question how we want our affairs handled if we die or become severely ill. We are also now hounding our parents to do the same.

It is ugly and hurtful, I know how I felt seeing my family affected even though it didn't really directly affect me much, I can only imagine how it feels for you. I agree with several previous posts that it sounds like the daughter is trying to maximize her inheritance. So what if Mom and Dad aren't happy with how their place looks for their golden years, as long as the inheritance doesn't get used up she'll be happy.
It also sounds like these folks felt like family to you, which makes it hard to settle for the "its family, stay out" logic, but it seems you might not have another choice. I would try to find an excuse to stop by the house though, "I left some equipment here and I'd like to pick it up" or something similar, but that would probably considered meddling when it may be best for you to just move on.

For my situation I had to remind myself that it wasn't my situation to handle, and focus on my list of things to do. I still feel the urge to punch him in the face over how he made my mother feel and things he said to my sister, but I was able to not dwell on it which I found helpful.

 

[Tim_B.]

Sounds like the kids are trying to rip off the parents.
love
nick

Bingo! We have a winner! Really, though, the daughter is the only one implicated so far, no other siblings have been mentioned, if any exist, in their defense.

That's why it was so shocking that this drastic change in behavior or thinking occured in a few weeks. One thing I do know ... I didn't talk to the parents, so it certainly wasn't me who changed their thinking. Had it just been the parents, if they really had wanted a change of service, I'm certain they would have discussed it face to face.

But having heard about 6 weeks ago "this place is the best its every looked" ... the situation is suspicious.

There has been no "drastic change in behavior or thinking" on the part of the parents. They still love you, and are being deliberately isolated from their best friends in an attempt to control every aspect of their lives. Cutting people off from their friends, family, trusted associates, is the classic first move of someone who is an abuser herself. The reason she got royally pissed when you talked about communicating with the parents in any way, shape or form, is that if you manage to speak with them, the jig will be up with regards to the lies she is telling them and the confidence game she is pulling on them. She is lying through her teeth to them about the fact that you are not coming around anymore. I feel absolutely certain that the parents miss your company.

Can't you contact the wife about what transpired, maybe enquire by letter? At least learn what caused the change of heart. Given her highly discourteous offspring, she might be as confused about the whole thing as you are. They could very well have told her lies, saying you did one thing or another. She might just have to consider cutting them out of the will, something that could save their lives.

Again, there has been no change of heart on the part of the parents. The only information about the situation is coming from the daughter, and no information is making it past her to the parents. The daughter needs to utterly control communication or she will fail in her attempts at the big money grab, because her parents will find out that she lies about everything, and is nowhere near worthy of their trust.

I don't buy the its 'family' so keep out. If I felt like these people were my friends I'd talk to them about it. You can choose your friends you can't choose your family.

Exactly right. They need you now, more than ever before. They are being abused, in my humble opinion.

When I was emailing or texting, the daughter was intercepting some messages on their phone and replying not to message back. She probably has permission to dig through their mail too.

(And this, from another section of a similar part of one of your posts..."I requested a letter from her parents since she cannot stop our contract legally. Then she started flipping-out. I suggested that the other option was for me to write and cancel the agreement, and I could send copies of her emails to document the basis for my letter. The daughter then said not to send any mail, otherwise they would contact the parents attorneys, stating they specialize in "elder abuse".")


After being around the parents for a couple of years, my feeling is, if they don't send a question to ask why, their household is probably not "ears" to discussing. And I have a feeling it would only be worthwhile face to face in real discussion instead of fragmented letters or emails.

Its doubtful I would want to work up there again anyway.

The daughter may not have permission to do any of that stuff, she's just doing it. She's trying to get you to stop communicating in order to save her all of the work of snatching the phone off the table every time you send a text message so that she can delete them before her parents see them.

Similarly, if all of the evidence from the e-mails sent to you by the daughter was ever seen by the parents, they'd be really mad and feel completely betrayed. Threatening you with lawyers who specialize in elder abuse is just an attempt to make certain that communication stays cut off. It's an ironic threat, since she is the one who is guilty of such.

I would be sorely tempted to go to the police, in order to get a face to face talk with the parents and to let them know what has been going on. They are completely isolated, and their daughter is a rage monster and a bully. She'll put on a nice face while the cops are there, but if she still manages to stay dug in, you'll see her rage shortly thereafter. It is permissible in most places to record any conversation to which you are a party, without informing the other person or persons involved in the conversation. It may be different in California. It would be nice to be able to get her raging on tape. Even better, it would be cool if the police were doing the recording. Calling her to tell her that you are going to have to insist on meeting with her parents face to face, with the police recording the conversation, and then being able to listen to her going absolutely ballistic at the suggestion. If I were a cop, and I heard your story, and then listened to her go off like a rocket, I would think it might qualify as probable cause to investigate further, and to provide you with the face to face meeting. With the armed police present at all times, to ensure security of both you and the parents. Also, the police could force the daughter to wait in a different room while you question the parents, and let them know what has been going on. The daughter will want to try to control the interview and to possibly intimidate the parents into saying what she wants them to say. Only by removing the daughter and letting the parents know that they are now safe, will you be able to get them to speak freely.

If the police take you seriously, they will not allow the daughter to push them around the way she does with everybody else.

I have seen this many times with the rich and the kids get involved. "stop spending your money I want it when you die"

This is it in a nutshell. I would not hesitate to believe that she might help them along on that little journey.

So, Mario, it might get really ugly, but these folks need your help desperately, in my opinion. You may be the only one who can, because the bully is trying to dominate and control anyone who attempts to make contact, and if nobody else sees the game she's running for what it is, her parents, your friends, are just screwed. They are at her mercy right now, and she has none.

That is all.

Tim

 

[squisher]

Yowzers! She sounds guilty to me!

 

[woodworkingboy]

You never know, some parents wish to be blind to their children's activities, can't accept that they are doing anything wrong even when it is staring them in the face. It could be that anyone that opposes their daughter has become the enemy of the parents. I'm just saying that it is one possibility, though i would hope that Tim is right about the parents still able to have a clear perspective.

 

[gf beranek]

Why?
He is a sociopath, that we happen to share some genes doesn't matter to me.

You da man, Stig!

 

[MasterBlaster]

That's how I feel about my "father."

 

[woodworkingboy]

Seems like a loss. Siblings can have something between them that they can't have with anybody else, and from the earliest memories. Some jokes between brothers can last sixty years.

 

[Steve Mack]

I'm reading a book ATM, A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian, involving siblings feuding.

That's a good book, I read it years ago. I bought it for my mother actually, her older sister never spoke to her again because she didn't consult her before calling an ambulance for her mother. She never even went to the funeral or her fathers a few years later. Strange person.

I've seen a lot of families go crazy over "the inheritance" even when no money was involved, just things of little value. We recently got a few thousand off our solicitors bill due to no squabbling, they couldn't believe four siblings could get on together.

 

[Mick!]

Seems like a loss. Siblings can have something between them that they can't have with anybody else, and from the earliest memories. Some jokes between brothers can last sixty years.

That's the word, a loss.
Both my parents are gone now, when my brother and sister and I get together with the kids I can tell stories and do impressions of mum and dad. Same old stories but we all laugh.

 

[CurSedVoyce]

That's how I feel about my "father."

Ditto.. Just because I am linked to you genetically, means nothing if you are not a decent human being.
My father murdered his 3rd wife. Beat my mom prior. Some one like that does not fit into my life.

 

[sawman]

Dam cursedvoyce, my dad was just a drunken drug addict.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Mine was just a drunk.

 

[Chris E]

I bought it for my mother actually, her older sister never spoke to her again because she didn't consult her before calling an ambulance for her mother. She never even went to the funeral or her fathers a few years later. Strange person.

Yeah we've had it very similar: my mother, her two sisters and their mother... A large, close extended family now fragmented beyond repair... for what.. little more than petty sibling quarrels as far as I know.

 

[rskybiz]

I would have to speak with them just for my own piece of mind, based on what you stated. The police involvement sounds like just the ticket. Elder abuse on her part seems plausible!