You have a place with some space, get you one of these...
Random folk tend not to get itchy fingers around him. In fact, they keep their grubby little sausage grabbers well away.
You're using it wrong.
Clean it out, strip all the oil off of it, inside and out. Attach 6 feet of chain to the handle and tie your anchor rope to the chain.
It'll suck as a boat anchor too...
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