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LMAO... ...hey Butch... You gots new smilies! Gary

Boss-to-English Translator: What your boss says and what he really means Do you ever feel a trip to your boss's office is like a trip to a foreign country? Nice view, but no speaka dee English? In order to ensure that none of the buck passing, put- downing, or one- upping is lost in...

Amish elevator... An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and Then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator)...

Got this one from my girlfriend this morning::) I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange...

One night, after couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded...

You got that right Paully!!! HAHAHAHAHA!:lol: :lol: :lol: I rode that ferry many times... guess I gotta start lookin' in the lifeboats! Gary

Oldie but a goodie... So a penguin limps his poorly running car into the service shop. The walrus behind the counter tells him they'll take a look at it. Should take about 20 minutes. So the penguin goes for a short walk and comes upon an ice cream shop. He buys a vanilla ice cream cone and...

Took me a sec... but got it! :lol: :lol: Gary

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do." WIFE...

The boy and the farmer A young boy carrying a 5 gallon bucket walks up to a farmer's house and knocks on the door... the farmer answers and the boy asks, "Farmer, I noticed that you have a field with a lot of honey-suckle in it. I would like to go and fill my bucket with honey if that is...

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for early retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officers got to choose what those two...

Two new members of a hunting lodge get introduced to its oldest member. They ask him to tell his favorite hunting story, and he agrees. “Well, back in 1944 in Africa,” the old man starts, “we went big-game hunting. Didn’t have much luck at first, but on the third day I was resting by a tree...

An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife yells...

That reminds me of what my Dad said to me when i was showing him how I had trained my Chocolate Lab for duck/goose hunting. After watching Yukon make a dozen or so retrieves on command (he is also whistle trained), my Dad said, "Wow Gary, you wouldn't wanna be throwin' dynamite with him...

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? MATT What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pot of boiling water? STU What do you call a man with no arms and no legs towed behind a boat? SKIP What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in your...

How do you know you are at a gay picnic? ...the hotdogs taste like shit. Gary

3 Generals and an Admiral were discussing what takes "guts". After some heated arguments they decided they would "show" what takes guts... The Marine Corps General throws a grenade in the direction of a Marine. "Marine! Jump on that grenade!" Shouts the General. "SIR YESSIR!" Then the...

The Good, the Bad, the Ugly THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY Good : Your wife is pregnant. Bad : It's triplets. Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago. Good : Your wife's not talking to you Bad ...