The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

[MasterBlaster]

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[MasterBlaster]

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[Fiddler]

An oldie, but goody:

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet'
which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny............ (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[MasterBlaster]

As a old Navy aircraft mechanic...

LOL!

 

[pantheraba]

Those are great!

 

[MasterBlaster]

Even if it's BS I still LOLed!

 

[BlackSmith]

Looks guilty...

 

[gf beranek]

Why even bother if you won the lotto?

 

[MasterBlaster]

Asshole boss, maybe?

 

[gf beranek]

Vengeance is a motha.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Sometimes a STINKY motha!

 

[SeanKroll]

That's not the prize for World's Best Boss.

 

[BlackSmith]

 

[MasterBlaster]

More bad jokes...

 

[BlackSmith]

lol...

 

[BlackSmith]

 

[MasterBlaster]

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[Fiddler]

Sunday Morning Sex.

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

I will never hear church bells ringing again without having to smile.

 

[MasterBlaster]

Orrrr, Hallway Sex!

When you pass each other in the hallway and both of you say frig YOU!

 

[MasterBlaster]

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[MasterBlaster]

Hard to use objects

 

[BlackSmith]

 

[MasterBlaster]

 

[BlackSmith]

 

[Tree09]

I heard a funny one today, and of course it had to do with trees so I had to post it. Guy did something stupid at work and an old timer said "your family tree doesn't have any branches does it, it just goes straight up" lol. I completely lost out laughing so hard