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:lol: Own it man, you a big boy!

Yes, any thin loops or webbing is going to cut into you before very long sitting in the harness, especially if I extrapolate your weight as being proportional to your waist size, thin loops will make you miserable eventually. An exception might be a hard batten seat style harness where your...

Yes, the bottom carabiner can just be clipped into the two rings...but that's a nasty harness, I can't think you'd be comfortable for any length of time in that. Much better to go for one with a sliding bridge and independent well proportioned leg loops, have a look at Petzl, Edelrid, Tree...