BlackSmith
Uncivil
heh...
The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread
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On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?"
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
"One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me," said one boy.
Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery.
He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me ...."
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off.
Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!"
The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."
When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?"
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.
The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...."
They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Marc-Antoine
TreeHouser
My wife and I went to the Calgary Bull Sale & Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! ...........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR
'My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.'
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ......smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice a week ! ...........You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR
'My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if every time was with the same old cow.'
My condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and I should eventually make a full recovery.
I about died laughin at the hilarious joke Kevin Bacon told in a silly sci-fi movie.
Super Man's flying along over bldg penthouse rooftops, when he sees Wonder Woman, naked in the sun, on her back with legs spread provocatively.
So he thinks to himself, if I go into highspeed mode? I'll be in n out before she realizes what's happened, muchless who did it?
So goes into highspeed, does iz business in a few milliseconds n gets away clean.
On the rooftop Wonder Woman leaps to her feet shouting what the heck was that?!
The invisible man answers, hell if I know, but my ass is hurtin like a mofo!
Jomo
Super Man's flying along over bldg penthouse rooftops, when he sees Wonder Woman, naked in the sun, on her back with legs spread provocatively.
So he thinks to himself, if I go into highspeed mode? I'll be in n out before she realizes what's happened, muchless who did it?
So goes into highspeed, does iz business in a few milliseconds n gets away clean.
On the rooftop Wonder Woman leaps to her feet shouting what the heck was that?!
The invisible man answers, hell if I know, but my ass is hurtin like a mofo!
Jomo
L
Levi
Guest
What movie was that in?
L
Levi
Guest
Dang
I remember seeing that when it came out. Bacon's dong 
I remember seeing that when it came out. Bacon's dong 
O.M.G., we're rich!
Silver In The Hair
Gold In The Teeth
Crystals In The Kidneys
Sugar In The Blood
Lead In The Ass
Iron In The Arteries And
An Inexhaustible Supply Of Natural Gas.
I Never Thought we would
accumulate Such Wealth!
Silver In The Hair
Gold In The Teeth
Crystals In The Kidneys
Sugar In The Blood
Lead In The Ass
Iron In The Arteries And
An Inexhaustible Supply Of Natural Gas.
I Never Thought we would
accumulate Such Wealth!
MasterBlaster
Administrator Emeritus
Damn straight.
L
Levi
Guest
gf beranek
Old Schooler
Krack me up.
BlackSmith
Uncivil
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