The Joke/Funny Pic/Video Thread

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best
patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants
on my operating table because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like
construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have
a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when
he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'
 
jA8A2Rn.jpg


Moar...
 
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A couple is awakened at 3am by a pounding at their door.

The man goes to the door, where a drunken stranger is standing in the pouring rain asking for a "push".

"Not a chance! It's 3am in the morning!" The man says. He slams the door and goes back to bed.

Wife: "Who was that?"

Husband: "just some drunk asking for a push"

Wife: "did you help him?"

Husband: "No. It's 3am and it's pouring rain out."

Wife: "Well, you have a short memory. Remember when we broke down about 4 months ago and those two guys helped us? I think you should go help him."

The man gets dressed and goes out into the downpour as he is told.

Man calls out into the dark: "Hello, are you still out here?"

"Yes" comes the answer

Husband: "Do you still need a Push?"

"Yes Please!" comes the answer form the dark

Husband: "Where are you?"

Drunk: "Over here on the swing!"
 
from a friend on Fb:

"I think we need a bipartisan fact-finding Commission that can rule on what reality is."
 
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